Why?

It has been a year of reflecting.  Not that other years have not been as reflective.  But I think the nature of my job this year has caused me to be more deliberately reflective both professionally and personally.   I have realized the power of reflection - taking time to yourself to just think but also the way it can drain your energy.

As the school year is winding down and my time feels more flexible and open, I find myself just staring off into space thinking.  I have reflected on this school year.  Questions like...
How have I impacted students?
Have I made a difference for teachers, classrooms, kids?
Am I a better mom because I don't worry about grading and lesson planning when I come home?
Am I better mom and person for doing a job that I don't necessarily love?
Why do I feel a strong desire to go back to the classroom despite the negativity that circulates the profession?


Then I begin to reflect and my thoughts quickly switch gears, especially this week, to my family.  And questions like...
Why are people's health being challenged right now?
Why do people's health ever have to be challenged?
Why do I feel that when life seems to be going so well for long periods of time that an abrupt slap-in-the-face has to occur?
Why am I so thankful for the reminders of the appreciation of little things in life and the things that truly matter?


I started this year (school year) with my motto being "why" (it played in well to my job of asking "why").  In looking back I have learned that there are two kinds of "why" - those that are easily, well eventually, answered and those that are philosophical and may never be answered.  It is those philosophical "whys" that create the greatest angst and emotion as well as the greatest desire to have them answered.

Most importantly everything seems near perfection when these two little guys smile or wrap their arms around you and say "I love you."